Next to Normal

A bipolar mother and wife

A loving but suffering husband and father

An imaginary son

All these in a new Broadway show that shed light on bipolar disorder of a suburban housewife and how it affects her family. Sounds weird for a musical? Well, it’s definitely better then Shrek the Musical or worse, Spiderman musical *shivers*.

Timeless…

I wish. But time does exist – in an absract sense – and it keeps moving, unstoppable, unfathomable and unbeatable. Yes, it’s still the semester break now, but with only two days left. After AS finished last week, we had about a week break – a week only to relax, chill and take our minds off of studying. Is that enough? Heck no! The worst thing is, all my other friends have more than a month’s worth of holiday. So, while I’m here making the most of this short-lived period of relaxation, they’re well, doing the same thing, only they have more time to do it. Sigh, so what did I do for the past week?

Right after the last paper was over, after the briefing and such, I immediately went off to KL to meet my parents Mid Valley. So there we spent three days (though we went to Malacca for a day) until we flew off to KK again. I watched two movies there: Star Trek and Night at the Museum 2. Star Trek was awesome. Loved Spock (”Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth”). Night at the Museum was, sadly, a waste of time. There went 2 hours of my holiday.

I reached my home on Saturday and the first thing I did was go online. Online-ing in my own home, with unlimited internet access was orgasmically therapeutic. I missed Youtube. Aside from internet, I’m also catching up on movies and tv shows. I finished Pushing Daisies (almost), Heroes,  Desperate Housewives and Glee, and several movies. Downloaded a few more to last me in college until the Raya break. Safe movies though. Can you imagine watching Brokeback Mountain there? I’d have to cover the screen half the time.

What else…oh yeah, The Sims 3. Yes, I got Sims 3 in it’s bloody frikkin fantastic. If you just had a bad day, believe me, Sims is the best therapy. You can have the perfect life in the game: Sucessful career, picture-perfect family, cheating husband, plastic wife, troubled kids, kleptomanic maid, insufferable in-laws; it’s Stepford-perfect. Now, I still need to figure out how to have illegitimate children…

Still, there are still a lot of things I want to do here. Meet up with a few more friends, jalan-jalan in KK, family gathering, etc etc, and yet there’re two days left. By Sunday I will leave here, and won’t be back until September. And it’s the start of the A2 semester. One can imagine how cumbersome it will be. Sigh, life goes on and on, and on. Might as well make the most of my remaining time here…

Oh, how the good times flow,

Always fast, never slow,

Leaving behind a trail of memories,

Leading into an obscrusing mist…

This post took about 30 minutes to write. Hope it’s not a waste

Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours

Ok, back to posting useless stuffs. Now it’s a letter by Ludwig van Beethoven. A love letter actually. Now, in spite of my cynical, stoic, emotionless self, I still can appreciate a wonderfully written piece, that is heartfelt and beautifully verbose. Plus the six-words phrase “ever thine, ever mine, ever ours” is somehow so profound and poignant, and can evoke a strong desire to love (well, but I’m stronger than that. I still like that phrase though).

The First Letter

July 6, in the morning My angel, my all, my very self – Only a few words today and at that with pencil (with yours) – Not till tomorrow will my lodgings be definitely determined upon – what a useless waste of time – Why this deep sorrow when necessity speaks – can our love endure except through sacrifices, through not demanding everything from one another; can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine – Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be – Love demands everything and that very justly – thus it is to me with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I – My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here until 4 o’clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that only made me the more eager – and I was wrong. The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four – Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties – Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life – If our hearts were always close together, I would have none of these. My heart is full of so many things to say to you – ah – there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all – Cheer up – remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be - Your faithful LUDWIG.

The Second Letter

Evening, Monday, July 6 You are suffering, my dearest creature – only now have I learned that letters must be posted very early in the morning on Mondays to Thursdays – the only days on which the mail-coach goes from here to K. – You are suffering – Ah, wherever I am, there you are also – I will arrange it with you and me that I can live with you. What a life!!! thus!!! without you – pursued by the goodness of mankind hither and thither – which I as little want to deserve as I deserve it – Humility of man towards man – it pains me – and when I consider myself in relation to the universe, what am I and what is He – whom we call the greatest – and yet – herein lies the divine in man – I weep when I reflect that you will probably not receive the first report from me until Saturday – Much as you love me – I love you more – But do not ever conceal yourself from me – good night – As I am taking the baths I must go to bed – Oh God – so near! so far! Is not our love truly a heavenly structure, and also as firm as the vault of heaven?

The Third Letter

Good morning, on July 7 Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us – I can live only wholly with you or not at all – Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits – Yes, unhappily it must be so – You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart – never – never – Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life – Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men – At my age I need a steady, quiet life – can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day – therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once – Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together – Be calm – love me – today – yesterday – what tearful longings for you – you – you – my life – my all – farewell. Oh continue to love me – never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. ever thine ever mine ever ours Who knew that one of history’s best composer could write amazingly as well as compose musical pieces?

Muse-ings

Well, I’m inspired. I haven’t really talk abut myself in this blog for quite a while. So, let see what’s going on with my life now. We’ll do it in kind of a different way, with the help from inspirations themselves. Along the way, you might also learn a thing or two about Greek mythology.Let each of the Muse help me…

Muse #1: Clio, Muse of History

A little history lesson…I came here to on a scholarship to pursue medicine. I knew what I would have to face: studying, studying and more studying. And that’s what I’ve been doing for the past few months. Almost non-stop studying. I miss home, where life is so carefree, easy and with less responsibilities…If I wrote a memoir, I can fit studying into a whole chapter…

Muse #2: Calliope, Muse of Epic Poetry

My life now is no Titanic…more like Lawrence of Arabia…Challenges everywhere and would take a lot of effort to handle. Exam a coming in a week…Life is tough. Why can’t my life be like The Godfather…kill someone, being in exiled, and then rise up and become the Don. Then again, life is not over, and it’s going to be an epic journey

Muse #3: Erato, Muse of Lyric Poetry

My lyrical thoughts and feelings are buried deep into the bottom of my crumbling mind/heart, and would only spring again once exam is over…in a month’s time *groans*…

Muse#4: Euterpe, Muse of Music

The only music I hear now is via my earphone when I’m doing Maths/Physics. I can’t listen to the birds’ songs anymore…it seems like everyone is becoming sorrowful…

Muse #5: Melpomene, Muse of Tragedy

Water would be out again for at least two days starting tomorrow or the day after (maybe today. NO!!) I lived in Sabah for 17 years and as far as I can remember I haven’t had any serious water problems for more than two days, even then we still had some water in the tank. I’ve been here for less than a year and I already experienced 2 water crisis (3rd one incoming). Hopefully that’s there will be…

Muse #6: Polyhymnia, Muse of Choral Poetry

Choral poetry, recited in ensemble…Yes, thankfully I have many friends here whom I can depend on. It’s actually quite remarkable I can be comfortable with new people in just a few months. Maybe I am growing up (eerk!). but I do miss my friends back at home, or rather all over the place. Hopefully we can meet again during the sem break…

Muse #7: Terpsichore, Muse of Dance

My rhythm now only involves waking up, go to class/library, go back home to rest, then study and finally sleep. Then repeat. 5,6,7,8…

Muse #8: Thalia, Muse of Comedy

My humour is dry. I can’t even think of anything funny to put in this post. All the thoughts of humour went to studying. I can’t crack a joke now. Knock, knock. Who’s there? No one, cause  I have no time to visit anyplace now except CR and library.

Muse #9: Urania, Muse of Astronomy

I’m seeing stars from too much studying…I need to see stars from entertainment mag…I miss staring at the moon…I just did a presentation on aliens, and uh…what was I talking about again? Sorry, my head just got lost in space…

In conclusion, I’m stressed out. I need a break from studying; enough with the logical thoughts, I need some creative ones too. But then again, exam’s in a week. Sacrifice, sacrifice…sigh. Well, wish me luck for exam and regards for the other thing too, before the exam

Rise of the Phoenix

Those who know me probably figured that I adore the Phoenix hence my moniker, user names, alias etc.

As everyone knows, phoenix is a bird. A mythical one. That is not real. Why the hell then that I make it my object of adoration/inspiration? Lets start with the description of the mythical phoenix:

As per wiki: A phoenix is a mythical bird with a colourful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet . It has a 500 to 1,000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of myrrh twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again. The new phoenix is destined to live as long as its old self. In some stories, the new phoenix embalms the ashes of its old self in an egg made of myrrh and deposits it in the Egyptian city of Heliopolis (sun city in Greek). The bird was also said to regenerate when hurt or wounded by a foe, thus being almost immortal and invincible — it is also said that it can heal a person with a tear from its eyes and make them temporarily immune to death. The phoenix is a symbol of fire and divinity.
Still can’t see it? Here are some hints: rebirth, reincarnation, immortality!

Yes, who doesn’t want those coz I know I do. Every time it got hurt, the phoenix will heal itself. It can also heal a person. It will also be reborn in a continuous life cycle. It will die and reborn every 500 years in a burst of crimson flame. How cool is that? Ok, let’s be metaphoric for a while…

The phoenix represents life – a continuation of life. No matter how many time you got hurt, attacked, face terrible turmoil in life, you can always heal yourself. And along the way, you can always help others who face similar fate. And you will not give up when faced with terrible mistakes or challenges. When it seems like you are about to go down, flames of determination and desire will burst forth, bringing your spirit back and you can continue your life as before. You are invincible; immortal. Keep the flames burning.

On the literal side, I just wanna be immortal. Yes, the world is continuously deteriorating that hundreds of years from now, I may be the only one alive. Or I might face Judgment Day. But, immortality is nice….

Now you know about the phoenix and me. I’ll always adore phoenixes (is that the plural form?), flames and all. I think most of you know my user name right? I’ll keep that at least until some hacker stole my identity…

In 10 days (from today, 27th April), a phoenix will be reborn (probably not in the brightest flames as before).

Caresse sur l’ocean

Or Cherish (Caress) Upon the Ocean from the movie Les Choristes.  An amazingly beautiful song, best to listen to when your mind is troubled. It just calms you right away.

Here is the lyric:

Caresse sur l’océan
Porte l’oiseau si léger
Revenant des terres enneigées
Air éphémère de l’hiver
Au loin ton écho s’éloigne
Châteaux en Espagne
Vire au vent tournoie déploie tes ailes
Dans l’aube grise du levant
Trouve un chemin vers l’arc-en-ciel
Se découvrira le printemps

Caresse sur l’océan
Pose l’oiseau si léger
Sur la pierre d’une île immergée
Air éphémère de l’hiver
Enfin ton souffle s’éloigne
Loin dans les montagnes
Vire au vent tournoie déploie tes ailes
Dans l’aube grise du levant
Trouve un chemin vers l’arc-en-ciel
Se découvrira le printemps
Calme sur l’océan.

Via, Veritas, Vita

From one of the extremely addictive Facebook quizzes:

Choose one line that you like:

	1. Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
	2. They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?
	3. Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?
	4. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
	5. When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car.
	6. I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.
	7. When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor…so I’m going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
	8. U say”I know how to please a woman” and she say “Then please leave me alone”

Let’s Give Them Something to Talk About

I watched Doubt the other day (which was amazing by the way), and this particular quote intrigued me:

A woman was gossiping with her friend about a man whom they hardly knew – I know none of you have ever done this. That night, she had a dream: a great hand appeared over her and pointed down on her. She was immediately seized with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The next day she went to confession. She got the old parish priest, Father O’ Rourke, and she told him the whole thing. ‘Is gossiping a sin?’ she asked the old man. ‘Was that God All Mighty’s hand pointing down at me? Should I ask for your absolution? Father, have I done something wrong?’ ‘Yes,’ Father O’ Rourke answered her. ‘Yes, you ignorant, badly-brought-up female. You have blamed false witness on your neighbor. You played fast and loose with his reputation, and you should be heartily ashamed.’ So, the woman said she was sorry, and asked for forgiveness. ‘Not so fast,’ says O’ Rourke. ‘I want you to go home, take a pillow upon your roof, cut it open with a knife, and return here to me.’ So, the woman went home: took a pillow off her bed, a knife from the drawer, went up the fire escape to her roof, and stabbed the pillow. Then she went back to the old parish priest as instructed. ‘Did you cut the pillow with a knife?’ he says. ‘Yes, Father.’ ‘And what were the results?’ ‘Feathers,’ she said. ‘Feathers?’ he repeated. ‘Feathers; everywhere, Father.’ ‘Now I want you to go back and gather up every last feather that flew out onto the wind,’ ‘Well,’ she said, ‘it can’t be done. I don’t know where they went. The wind took them all over.’ ‘And that,’ said Father O’ Rourke, ‘is gossip!’

All of us I believe, have been subjects of ridicules, gossips, insults one way or another. Well, that’s life for you. Some of us may take the criticisms hard, while some just lose it and fights ensue. But I always believe that we should take this thing lightly, especially if it’s done behind our backs. Always turn a deaf ear to such gossips.

While I won’t deny to my ever being gossiping about other people, I always thought it’s an inappropriate thing to do. I’d rather keep my opinion or knowledge about somebody else’s dirty laundry to myself than sharing it, and  let it spread to the whole community. Though in the case of celebrities’ gossips, it’s quite different (at least the gossips are true and widely circulated in magazines, it’s not really talking behind their backs), gossiping about people you hardly know, and about something that is not true is quite a cowardly thing to do.

What if you are the subject of the gossip? Well, like I said, turn a deaf ear and let them keep talking about it. You are your own person, and words can never hurt you. Sure they hurt more than sticks or stones, but you will always be able to hold your head up high. People’s opinions are worthless, especially of those who believe and participate in such lies and aggravation. So, maintain your countenance, ignore their unfounded disapprobation and just give them something to talk about  all the way to their hell-holes.

Practical Papers Are Practically Unpractical

Ok, exam season is coming (well, it’s here already to most of us) and it’s time to let the nerves get to work. As nervous am I for all the Pre-AS exam papers, objective and subjective papers are nothing compared to practical papers.

For practical papers, we will spend 2 hours in the lab to either conduct the experiment asked in the question paper or just trying to figure out what the questions ask us to do. I’m trying to avoid the latter.Even so, two experiments in 2 hours sounds rather stressful. The CIE is really trying tense us up. Do they think Einstein, Edison and Newton finished their experiments in a few hours?

I really don’t like practical. I know in my future line of work, I must always be practical. There’s no theoretical work, unless I wanna be a reasearch physician. I’m going to disect somethings hither and thither, concoct some god-knows-what preparations, toucing the human body incessantly (for examination…don’t be so dirty-minded) etc etc. But practical is so..uncertain, I mean you can’t really know the answer. One wrong reasult, and you can kiss the A goodbye.

So suppose these practical exams gonna prepare me for my degree studies? Lets see…

Biology practical is probably the hardest one to me. I’m impartial towards it. One of the question qould always be about examining specimens under the microscope. Easy enough right? Wrong. Sometimes, the microscope can be faulty, and the only thing you can see is light. Bright, useless light. But you can always inform the supervisors. The pother experiment could be about food test, enzyme etc, which can take a lot of your time.

Physics practical is probably the easiest, but the most boring. Here are the experiments we’ve done so far: dropping ping pong ball, dropping cone-shaped paper, spinning ruler, rolling a plasticine down an inclined plane, and did I mention dropping ping pong ball? Who knows what we might have to drop next. Still, physics takes the shortest time which is fortunate because I couldn’t bear to drop balls for 2 hours.

Chemistry practical is so so, but my favourite. Sure I hate titration, but it’s not hard and as long as there’s any colour change, you know you did the experiment correctly. The calculation parts are annoying though. The other is qualitative analysis, and I love it. Basically you just mix around various chemicals, test for gas, heating and sorts, and you just deduct what ions are present. But there’s a risk of getting the ions wrong, and the mixture exploding. Not unlike the cartoon ones, but yeah, the mixture can shoot out of the boiling tube like *****. Unless you’re careful, you might end up looking like Two-Face.

Yes, practical is not the same as theory papers. It require’s skills, luck and, well, practicality. Now you know why I’m scared of practical exams. On a bright side though, there’s not much to study for practical….

P/S: Next week is Pre-AS exams, last until 16th April. But between, 4th to 13th, I don’t have any papers. Still deciding whether to go home. Opinions please.

The NINErs fortyNINErs

Ok, the title is bad.I wanna talk about Nine, one my most anticipated film this year (or maybe next year here). Seriously, this film got awards written all over it (literally!). Not that awards mean anything, but still…Here’s a teaser pic.

Standing from left: Judi Dench, Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren, Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson. Sitting from left: Penelope Cruz, Fergie. And Daniel Day-Lewis with his back to the pic.

I can’t wait for the trailer or poster:

From the Tony Award-winning musical based on the Academy Award-winning film

Comes a film by Academy Award-nominated director of Academy Award for Best Picture winner Chicago: Rob Marshall

Starring

Two-times Academy Award for Best Actor winner Daniel Day-Lewis

Academy Award for Best Actress winner Marion Cotillard

Academy Award for Best Actress winner Nicole Kidman

Academy Award for Best Actress winner Sophia Loren

Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress winner Judi Dench

Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress winner Penelope Cruz

Academy Award nominee Kate Hudson

and featuring Grammy winner Fergie (?)

Can they fit all that into a poster? Can’t wait though…

Release date: 25th Nov 2009 in the US. Most probably next year in malaysia